I'm a Parent Educator and an Award-Winning Storyteller on a mission to fortify Black youth with the skills they need to imagine a better future for themselves and their communities.
Ready for a shift in your parenting?
Challenge yourself to a 3-Day Detox and one-of-kind reset from reactivity. You'll get the jumpstart you need for more calm and intentional parenting.
I’m sure you’ve heard it by now: a growth mindset is key to fostering resilience, creativity, and a lifelong love of learning in our kids. It’s the idea that abilities and intelligence aren’t fixed but can be developed through dedication and hard work. We know it’s important because it helps kids navigate challenges, learn from mistakes, and understand that effort is the pathway to mastery.
But here’s the thing—many of us didn’t grow up with this mindset being reinforced at home. Quite the opposite. While we might now be striving to instill a growth mindset in our own children, it’s worth reflecting on the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways a fixed mindset might have shaped our upbringing. Recognizing these signs can help us break the cycle and create a more empowering environment for the next generation.
So, how do you know if you grew up in a fixed mindset house? Here are five telltale signs—and what you can do about it now.
In a fixed mindset household, praise is often tied to innate qualities rather than the hard work or effort put into something. If you frequently heard things like “You’re so smart,” or “You’re a natural,” it may have set the expectation that success should come easily and that struggle is a sign of inadequacy.
Research by psychologist Carol Dweck, who pioneered the concepts of fixed and growth mindsets, shows that when children are praised for being smart, they are more likely to develop a fixed mindset. They may begin to fear challenges, believing that struggling means they aren’t truly smart.
Compliment your child’s effort, persistence, and strategies instead of their intellect or natural talent. You want to say things like, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that project,” or “You didn’t give up, even when it was tough!”
Another sign of a fixed mindset environment is how mistakes are handled. If making a mistake resulted in harsh criticism, disappointment, or punishment, you might have learned to avoid challenges altogether to sidestep the fear of failure.
A 2022 study referenced in Frontiers in Psychology highlighted how the perception of mistakes can shape resilience and willingness to engage in difficult tasks. Students with a fixed mindset show stronger emotional responses to mistakes and are more likely to avoid future challenges.
Frame them as learning opportunities. Instead of focusing on the error, discuss what can be learned from it. Ask questions like, “What do you think went wrong?” or “What could you try differently next time?” This approach fosters resilience and a growth mindset.
If perfectionism was the norm in your household, you were likely raised with the belief that anything less than perfect was unacceptable. This can lead to anxiety, fear of failure, and an unwillingness to try new things—all signs of a fixed mindset.
According to a 2021 study published in Europe‘s Journal of Psychology, perfectionism is often linked to a fixed mindset, where individuals equate their self-worth with their ability to achieve flawless results. This mindset can stifle creativity and innovation, as the fear of making mistakes becomes paralyzing.
Normalize the process of learning, which includes making mistakes and experiencing setbacks. Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. Teach them that their worth is not tied to their achievements.
In a fixed mindset household, you might have been encouraged to stick to activities where you naturally excelled. This may have limited your experiences and opportunities to grow, as you were discouraged from stepping out of your comfort zone.
A longitudinal study from Stanford showed that students who were encouraged to stick to what they were naturally good at developed a fixed mindset, leading to less academic growth over time. They would avoid challenges and subsequently miss out on opportunities to develop a broader skill set.
Support your child in trying new activities, even if they’re not immediately good at them. Remind them that learning and growth happen when they step out of their comfort zone. This mindset will help them develop a love for learning and a willingness to take on new challenges.
If failure was treated as a reflection of your character or self-worth, you likely internalized the belief that your abilities are fixed and that failure means you are fundamentally flawed.
Another study from Carol Dweck’s research indicates that those with a fixed mindset often see failure as a reflection of their identity, leading to feelings of inadequacy and a reluctance to try again. This belief can be incredibly limiting and prevent individuals from reaching their full potential.
Teach your child that failure is not a reflection of who they are but rather a part of the learning process. Share stories of famous failures who ultimately succeeded, and discuss how their persistence led to growth and eventual success.
While we might not have grown up with the constant reinforcement of a growth mindset, it’s never too late to make that shift—for ourselves and for our children. By reflecting on our own experiences and actively choosing to foster a growth mindset, we can empower our children to see challenges as opportunities, not obstacles.
To help you get started recognizing where you’ve been and making a conscious choice to grow beyond it, I’ve put together a free poster and guide that outlines 7 key principles parents can follow to foster resilience, curiosity, and a love of learning in your children.
Download the free printable poster and guide now to start making small but impactful changes in your parenting approach. Let’s break the cycle of fixed mindsets and raise a generation of confident, capable, and courageous kids!
The 7 empowerment principles that every black parent should know
Farm-to-table jianbing kickstarter, mixtape taxidermy actually scenester. Asymmetrical tattooed locavore meggings YOLO organic pabst forage.