I can remember a day when my son was about three years old, and he was in full meltdown mode at the grocery store. As I remained calm, I could feel the judgmental stares from an older Black woman. I’m sure she meant well but turned to me and said, “You need to get him in line, or he’s going to grow up and walk all over you.”

There’s a pervasive belief in our community that being too gentle, too lenient during early childhood, leads to disrespectful, out-of-control teenagers. We often associate gentle parenting with the kind of permissiveness we see on social media, where it seems like some parents let their kids run wild with no consequences.

It’s easy to see why many of us would be hesitant to embrace gentle parenting; we don’t want to raise children who grow up thinking the world will always bend to their will. Not to mention, the world isn’t always gentle with us, so how can we raise our children with an approach that seems so… soft?

THE LIMITING BELIEFS AROUND GENTLE PARENTING

The belief that gentle parenting is only for gentle kids—or that it’s incompatible with raising strong, resilient Black children—is not just misguided; it’s inaccurate. The pushback stems from a place of protection, but it can actually hinder the very growth and resilience that we’re trying to cultivate. Here’s specifically why this belief needs to be re-examined, especially within our community.

1. GENTLE PARENTING IS ABOUT STRENGTH, NOT WEAKNESS

There’s a pervasive assumption that gentle parenting equals permissiveness, that it’s about letting kids have their way. For Black parents, who often feel the weight of raising children in a society that doesn’t always see their worth, the idea of being “too soft” can feel risky. We’ve been taught that we have to be twice as tough to prepare our kids for a world that might not be kind to them.

But gentle parenting isn’t about being weak. It’s about teaching strength in a different, more sustainable way.

Gentle parenting focuses on emotional resilience, which is arguably one of the most critical forms of strength our kids need.

When we respond to our children’s big emotions with empathy instead of harshness, we’re not coddling them—we’re teaching them how to process their feelings, how to navigate the world with emotional intelligence. This kind of strength is invaluable, especially for Black children who will inevitably face challenges that require more than just physical or intellectual toughness. They’ll need the inner fortitude to stay grounded in their identity and values, even when the world tries to shake them.

2. BLACK CHILDREN NEED EMOTIONAL VALIDATION

There’s a narrative that Black children need to be “toughened up” to survive in a world that doesn’t always see them as children first. This belief is rooted in our history, where survival often meant suppressing emotions and adopting a hard exterior. But as times have changed, so has our understanding of child development. Our kids need emotional validation just as much as any other child, maybe even more so.

When we validate our children’s feelings—whether they’re angry, sad, or frustrated—we’re not making them weaker. We’re equipping them with the tools to understand and manage those feelings, so they don’t carry that emotional burden into adulthood.

Studies have shown that children who feel emotionally supported are better able to cope with stress, form healthy relationships, and navigate the challenges life throws at them.

For Black children, who often face additional social pressures, having this emotional foundation is crucial. Gentle parenting isn’t about shielding them from the world’s realities; it’s about preparing them to face those realities with confidence and self-awareness.

3. GENTLE PARENTING IS A REVOLUTIONARY ACT IN A WORLD THAT TRIES TO DEHUMANIZE US

Let’s be real: the world doesn’t always treat our children with the kindness and respect they deserve. This reality can make us feel like we have to “harden” them to prepare them for the challenges they’ll face. But what if, instead of hardening them, we empowered them with a strong sense of self-worth? Gentle parenting is a way to do just that—it’s a revolutionary act of love and resistance.

By choosing gentle parenting, we’re rejecting the notion that our children have to conform to society’s expectations of toughness to survive. Instead, we’re raising them to know their value, to understand that their emotions are valid, and to believe that they deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

This doesn’t mean we don’t discipline; it means we do so in a way that respects their humanity.

It’s about raising children who are not only strong but also compassionate, both to themselves and others. When we practice gentle parenting, we are consciously choosing to break the cycles of harshness and emotional disconnection that many of us were raised with. We’re saying no to the idea that our children need to be toughened up through discipline that diminishes their spirit. Instead, we’re embracing an approach that nurtures their full humanity, teaching them that they are worthy of love, respect, and understanding—no matter what the world might say.

Gentle parents create environment where their kids feel safe to express themselves, where they learn to manage their emotions, and where they understand that their worth isn’t tied to their behavior but to who they are as individuals.

HOW YOU CAN CONTINUE TO REJECT THE MYTH

If you’re ready to reject the myth, I invite you to download a free printable poster and guide, “The 7 Empowerment Principles Every Black Parent Should Know”. These principles are designed to empower you with the tools to guide your child through their emotions, set compassionate boundaries, and build a stronger, more connected relationship. You can get instant access and start your journey toward raising a child who is not only strong, but also deeply in tune with their emotions and self-worth.